she looked like the before picture.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
