my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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