i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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