He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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