i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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