I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
