sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
