Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
