Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
