Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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