my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
