All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
