Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
