I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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