thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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