this beer tastes like vomit already
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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