It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
