no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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