LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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