My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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