My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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