you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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