So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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