A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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