ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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