just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
