My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
