I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
