this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
