I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
