I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
