its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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