my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
