My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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