you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So vagazzling was a success
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
