Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
