She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to fling myself into the sun
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
