i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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