Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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