Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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