carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
