You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
