I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
