Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
