I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
