I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
