don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you traded sex for a burrito?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
