Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
