There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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