Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
